Monday, May 31, 2010

Stumbling Through

Dan and I are finding it harder, not easier some days to cope. He woke up this morning and wanted to have a party..out of the blue. I am a planer and so to say yes took some give on my side too. So he went and got food and invited the neighbors for a cook out. The rain looks like it has passed so maybe we can even pull this off. But Dan is lonely and missing Elliott and these are the things that we will be doing when the need arises I guess. We just miss him so so much.
Happy Memorial Day to you and yours and especially to Elliott

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Learning to live

A very different kind of life. One without the one person you cannot live without, but must.

Dan and I went and bought me an old fashion Huffy bike yesterday. My favorite color, green, mint on this one and no speeds but the one I can supply. I have ridden it each day now and it is exercise. Something I desperately need. And I went in the pool today for the first time, and of course got burnt. Even with lotion..
Going to make a menu tomorrow so that we can begin to eat properly and get in shape, something neither of us are in. And I am a wine drinker. But after this week-end, no more. I want to be in the best shape I have ever been so that I can be around a while to care for my husband and spend the last years of our lives in some sort of comfort. So fingers and toes crossed that the plans I am making work out. It will be work on our part but I think it will also be something to help us through the coming months of grief. We are doing well but I think we can do better. Have a safe and fun Memorial Weekend. Happy Birthday to a sister I never had the chance to know, Connie Lee.
And tomorrow we will be playing Phase 10 in Elliott's honor. It was his favorite game and we want to honor him on Memorial Week-end. I find this a fitting way...I even asked him to help his mama win :)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

It only hurts for a little while

That's what they tell me, that's what they say..Not sure what song that comes from but it lies. It hurts ALL the time. The trick is to keep busy so you forget you are sad. Works some of the time. But the anger, hurt and sadness is always there. Probably always will be. It has gotten harder, not easier. I think that is because we are not in shock anymore, we KNOW that he is gone and not coming back. I can actually be smiling and laughing and in a blink of an eye, I am crying. I want my son back more than I want to breathe sometimes. Please don't be getting all concerned. I don't want to die, nor does Dan. Just feels like it sometimes. I want to enjoy the new car, the warm weather, the summer fun. But I am not sure I can do that yet. But Dan and I will keep on trying. Our bodies hurt. Now that we are not being a caregiver, all our aches and pains that we have worked through over the years are coming to our attention. We are tired and sore. So time is really all that is going to work to fix some of this. Just wanted to stop in and let you know we are as ok as we can be. Graduation was really rough emotionally.
Stephen has moved in and it is nice to have someone to care for. But he is a busy young man with a girlfriend and don't expect to see him as much as I would like. So we will go day at a time and with the help of our friends and family and Elliott, we will get better with time. Thanks for stopping in. It is nice to be writing again...

Sunday, May 23, 2010


I could not give up writing about our life and Elliott. This has always been something that kept me going and gave me an outlet for the good and the bad. I am hoping to find a following but if not, I still can say what I need to say.
Today is Elliott's graduation. He will be there in spirit. And according to some, he really MAY be there. I have a tendency to believe this but I have not had the "proof" yet. Taking my camera with me to capture you just in case (it's ok people, I am not insane, just hopeful) We will have LOTS of Kleenex. Mrs Wise will be putting your flower on your chair and Mommy will bring it home to dry out and put in your book that I will begin working on in the fall. Your best buddy Stephen is graduating today as well, 18 chairs away from yours. Thank God you two were best friends. He helps Mom and Dad so much. In fact, he will be staying with us as of Tuesday. No one better to have around and remember you. It will be VERY hot today in a crowded gym so please have mercy on your old parents and shoot a breeze through the room sometimes. All I want to say right now is just how much you are loved, today and everyday. Not a day, a moment or a second you are NOT on our minds. We talk about you all the time, shed many many tears and sometimes laughter. And my conversations with you are sometimes the highlight of my day. But know that your daddy and I have grown closer than ever, we love each other and together we will get through this part of our lives until we are with you again. So enjoy watching your graduation today, laugh you butt off at the stupid stuff and cry a little tear when necessary. I heard at least one of the speeches has you in it. We love you Elliott lee Aldrich. Until next time, Hugs, Kisses and Pokemon wishes.

Love you baby,